SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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