I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
