I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
