you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
