She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
