but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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