hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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