I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
