i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
