also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
