Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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