Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
