i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
