Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
