The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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