It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
