my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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