I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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