Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
