I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
