So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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