3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
