Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
