My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
