if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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