Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
