we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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