Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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