question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
