I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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