when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
