she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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