never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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