but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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