I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
