operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
