she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
