I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
