Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
