if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
