That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
