Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
