im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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