Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
