I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
