My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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