So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
