dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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