they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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