i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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