Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
