Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(807): View more from Ontario

I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

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(647): View more from Ontario

i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

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(303): View more from Colorado

hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds

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(541): View more from Oregon

They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab

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(702): View more from Nevada

He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often

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(614): View more from Ohio

I peed in front of kids, unfortunately

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