I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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