I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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