didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
