no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
