I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How does one acquire holy water?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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