i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
