Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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