I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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