you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
