I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
