If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
