all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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