Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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