I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
