if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
