please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
