I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
