If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
