Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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