insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
