I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
