Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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