I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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