Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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