My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
