I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
