if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
