"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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